Go to the graduation fair, they said. Go to the graduation fair where the only people who want to be there less than you are the people running it.
No but seriously.
I picked up my cap and gown and crap today, so I guess this ceremony thing is going to happen whether I like it or not. I still have mixed feelings--I didn't care much about the ceremony in high school, and I know college is a bigger deal and all that jazz but...Meh. It's probably going to be hot and awful and I swear if it goes over 2 hours I'm gonna be p i s s e d.
The sentiment is surprisingly more common than I thought, so I guess there's that. Solidarity and all that.
Other than the whole finishing undergrad at last business, I haven't been up to much. The weather is getting nicer, my health issues for the past six months seem to have finally worked themselves out, and who knows maybe I'll start working on the whole losing weight thing while trying to find some form of employment. At this point I'd be pretty solid with A Job, if not The Job, because I don't think I'm old enough or have been exposed enough to even know what The Job would ideally be. Maybe it's stupid on my part, but if I manage to get A Job that allows me to work in some form or other in my field (whether directly through A Job or through internships and programs and whatever) then I think that might actually be okay, you know, for now. Maybe even preferable. I just graduated college for goodness sake; why rush to get tied up in something else? Bills. Loans. So long as those get paid...Do what you want, right? ...Right?
Oh man, I'm not cut out for this adult shit, have some music:
I don't know who these people are but they popped up on Pandora like a million times last week and I guess I kind of like them so far.
Also there are angry nesting geese all over campus and it's like an invasion and they're pretty awful they had to put a sign up to warn people because they're all like I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL AND REND YOUR FLESH MAYBE NOT IN THAT ORDER. So glad I don't live there anymore.
For those of you with Steam/those of you with an interest in wicked sweet games: have you yet to experience the Humble Bundle? The glorious bundle where you get mad games for wicked cheap. Please investigate it. They are doing something new, a weekly sale, and this week's item is Bastion. I mentioned it a while ago, and it is a pretty sweet game, and also relatively easy.
Ugh, just watch the trailer:
The Humble Bundle (http://www.humblebundle.com/weekly) lets you get this game for ONE DOLLA. If you pay the average price ($2.62 at the time of posting), you also get BONUS CONTENT. It is totally worth it. Mega cheaps.
As far as adventures go, I have been up to absolutely nothing. I did nothing glorious over the last spring break I will ever have. No sir, I got a cold and I worked 8 hour days the whole week. Grandpa's also not doing so well either. Repeated head trauma has rapidly increased the rate of his (impending) memory loss. He's still got long term memory going on, but short term is severely limited. He doesn't hold conversations anymore. It's difficult; he is not the same person. Things are difficult.
Some Nicolas Cage brought a little light back into my life, though. Cage match. Hoy's. Things aren't so bad. Not bad at all. Impending debt, uncertain future, and here I am feeling better.
What's the deal with that?
Bonus music Tuesday:
(Pomplamoose is French for grapefruit, or so I have heard).
And so ends my spring break. It was not as beautiful and perfect as last spring break. I would classify this one as odd, but maybe in a good way.
It started with drag queens driving a bus through the Australian outback. Yes, I saw Priscilla Queen of the Desert, but not the movie with Hugo Weaving and Guy Pierce (though I have been informed that I need to see that too). Oh no, I went to a classy fucking stage production in the Cultural District of Pittsburgh. It was incredibly classy, even from the nosebleeds I still enjoyed the show. The costumes were amazing and I loved watching a bunch of men in drag sing "It's Raining Men." It was truly a beautiful show. We would watch the movie together, though I have no idea when that will be.
And then 6 guys from Yale sleeping in my living room Saturday night. Only one of those men I had actually met prior to this event. And I had met him like 3 times. Tom is his name, and he's The Boy's best friend from high school. Tom and his friends would've stayed at The Boy's place, but The Boy and his friends had already left for their driving adventure down to Florida for break. So Tom and his friends (who were all lovely) stayed at my place instead. You can follow their escapades on Tom's website (tomdec.com). I honestly don't know how well they slept crammed in my living room. I am sad that I did not get a picture of that. But they went to bed after I did and rose before I did.
After that, my spring break became a haze of coffee and paying for parking. My housemate Molly let me borrow her car for break, but I had to pay to park it. So rather than pay to park it, I got up at like 7AM before the meters starting running and would drive around finding adventure. And I would drag Ryan along. He and I decided to go to every local coffee place that we could find and rate the mochas. We created a rather intense system of rating each coffee and we intend on continuing to rate all of the mochas we can find.
We also went to the National Aviary to see some birds. Ryan and I really enjoyed seeing the Bald Eagles. It was so American that we each shed a single manly tear to gaze upon their majestic forms. We also saw a sloth (not a bird, I know). But I think the most terrifying part was that we helped feed some of the birds in the "Wetlands" section. And OH MY GOD THEY SWARMED! I got like hit in the head by a low flying bird. They were everywhere, staring at us with those dead eyes, waiting for the food to be found.
There was this one bird though, this freaking bastard that literally chased Ryan and I out of the exhibit earlier. It puffed up and cawed like ti was summoning demons from hell to eat our souls. It had googly eyes that did not google. They simply stared, waiting. Waiting for the opportune moment to be a dick. Like when I was distracted by birds flying at my head, this little shit lands on the seat next to me and starts biting my leg!
And I couldn't kick the damn thing away because the bird lady who was running the feeding thing was right in front of me. So I endured it. But man, I hate that bird so much!
Other memorable moments include watching the New Pope getting announced in a sports bar in the middle of the afternoon. There were like 10 people there, mostly employees, and 15 TVs all of them showing sports, except one. One TV had the Pope on it. So the three of us sat glued to that TV waiting for the Pope to arrive. Everyone else was watching sports. This is my life.
Another moment was in the Pittsburgh Science Center, there was a roller coaster simulator. A 80 year old guy was running it and since it was a Wednesday afternoon, no one was there. So Ryan and I get in it. And the guy is like "NOTHING IN YOUR POCKETS!!" so we complied and I now know why. That simulator threw us around like rag dolls. Sure, we were strapped in and harnessed, but even a coaster flipping upsidedown means that you are going somewhere. And because it was a simulator, the image we saw was just a projection of a real coaster ride. So when it flipped us, my hair freaking eclipsed half the screen.
I should also note that throughout the whole ride, I am cackling like a madwoman because I find it hilarious. Meanwhile, Ryan is freaking the crap out.
So the first ride ends and the guy opens the pod thing and says "Do you wanna ride a real coaster?"
The answer of course is "YES!"
And so he closes it back up and this time instead of a real roller coaster being projected. This is something out of Roller Coaster Tycoon, shitty graphics and physics defying loops and all.
Right before we go down the first hill, I look over to Ryan and go "Have you heard of the Euthanasia Roller Coaster?"
He still hates me for that.
And then in the pod, just as we plunge down, a weird mash up of "California Girls" by the Beach Boys and "Dani California" by the Red Hot Chill Peppers starts playing. And I start to laugh.
Ryan is scarred for life now. I'm a little bit proud.
Onto the not so awesome things about break:
I spilled half of a cider onto my laptop.
But God for my cat-like reflexes because my first thought after "Oh shit!" was "FLIP IT!" So I flipped my computer over, dumping all of the liquid onto my bed. Yes, my bed. Onto the sheets I had just laundered. (I also slept on those sheets for two days before I got around to washing them again).
Thankfully, Katy and Ryan swooped in and saved the day with a mini screwdriver and a fan. So when I ressembled my computer and turned it on 24 hours later, it did in fact turn out and run fine (aside from some sticky keys). BUT then I noticed after about 20 minutes of use that half of Sebastian (laptop) was getting really hot, but the other side was cold. So I was like damn. And I took it to the Apple Store, where they convinced me that I had fried my logic board and it would cost minimum of $200 maximum $800 to fix.
BUT HA TO THEM. I just screwed up my top case (which is the bit that has the keyboard). And it cost less than $250 (not by much, but still).
I actually just got my computer back today. I had to go like 3 days without it, which was much harder than I thought it would be. I wandered around my house, going "WTF did I do with my time before I had a computer?" Answer: Not much.
That answer is also correct for the question: "how much work did I do over break?"
So in the meantime, I am playing catch up so hard. Which really sucks, but I can't bring myself to completely regret my spring break. Sure there were bad parts with people I didn't want to deal with. But there were mochas and eagles and drag queens.
But yes, that was my spring break in a nutshell.
NOW I DEMAND THAT YOU FILL ME IN ON YOUR LIVES!! TELL ME TELL ME!!
Also, this is a really really awesome song. He was the merch guy for the Murder by Death concert I saw. AND he also opened for the opener.
So despite snow storms and having to unearth my car at the crack of dawn this morning just to get to class, I feel like Spring is in the air. Renewal mixed with nostalgia, you know? (renewal in that it was kind of warm today, all things considered, and nostalgia because I found Sailor Moon on the internet a few days ago and have been revisiting some old books and I keep thinking Hey! I'm going to see Those People I Like soon!)
Though I don't think a lot of our spring breaks match up and not everyone is coming home for break.
STILL! Spring break means we're closer than ever to summer break and then
AND THEN
I think we ought to have a gathering. With food and drink and maybe it can be outside and it will be lovely.
School's going alright--this semester is the first time I'm taking less than the maximum amount of credits and holy crap how have I been doing this all this time I don't even
But I think my lack of classes miiiight have had a negative impact on my motivation to like, do anything. Oops?
And sadly I think my plans to head off to ye olde Baltimore are going to have to be postponed, cuz I keep having mild panic attacks about debt and I don't think having to pay rent and whatnot is going to help that at all. AT ALL. And waking up in the middle of the night with the crushing weight of all the things I need to pay back doesn't strike me as horribly healthy.
But one day it'll be okay.
Sigh.
All things considered, not doing too bad. Pretty excited for April's Camp Nano (and if you've been too intimidated to do Nano in November cuz of the whole 50k words thing, try Camp Nano! They've adjusted it so you can set your own word count goal so long as it is at least 10k AND you can do scripts for like screen plays and stuff).
MOTIVATION.
(also, anyone got any good book recommendations? I AM LE BORED)
The third floor of Club Hunt (aka the library) is the quiet study floor, where silence is absolute and completely enforced. There are cubicles on this floor where I hide when I need to actually do work, or not be bothered by people, or both.
And I must say the graffiti on these cubicles makes me wish I understood Korean. At least I think it's Korean that is written on this particular cubicle.
Here are some of my favorite bits of graffiti on this desk:
(different typefaces indicate that a different person responded)
"Why are these cubicles shaped like swastikas?"
"'Cause it's a concentration camp."
"What did Cinderella say when she got to the Ball?"
- "She didn't she was busy studying"
An arrow is pointing to some used gum, "Take the fingerprints to find out who it was!"
"Can't spell STUDY without STD"
"Or without STUD" "Or....duty?"
There is also an elaborate drawing of someone dead on top of a pile of work. Ahh CMU, you crazy bastard.
In regards to how I am doing, I feel like this anecdote accurately sums up my life:
There is a 50 cent soda machine on campus that I like to frequent. It has the normal selection of cans of soda, but is also has Mystery Diet Soda, which means you could get a can of Diet Cherry Coke one day and a can of Diet Sprite the next. You will get what the Diet Soda Gods think you deserve!
Anyway, I needed some caffeine like nobody's business, so I went there. And The Diet Soda Gods gave me Diet Root Beer.
No caffeine. Whatsoever.
But it's cool. It's totally fine. I am just gonna keep going.
Just keep going. That's the plan. And it's working out pretty okay. Provided that I only think 24 hours to a week in advance. Much beyond that and we have problems.
In the short term things are looking up. A paper that I devoted my entire weekend to got pushed back 48 hours. The one time I was actually good and did things ahead of time, I get an extension and the class canceled tomorrow. (I'm not gonna lie, I had to stop myself from screaming in the library when I got that email) My housemates and I are bonding this semester (don't get me wrong they are still messy and it's killing me) but we're doing stuff together. Like last night we went and did hooka (my first time :D) And I believe there are plans to go to Sig Ep's 90s Party dressed as the Spice Girls (there are five of us). I'd be Ginger Spice. (I recently acquired a red party/cocktail dress from Goodwill for $4). And I might have a house off campus to live in next year with my friends. I am excited.
And on Friday, Sarah is visiting me on her way through town. She and John are driving out to DC since Sarah is moving out there for work. That should be nice.
Provided I don't think about the larger implications of that statement. Like how I am gonna have to pack up all of my stuff and put it somewhere, storage probably until I get my own place, make my own home.
I have too much stuff to be a nomad.
Find a job. Be an Adult. At the very least get a damn internship for the summer. Where? Who knows. There's a design firm in NYC looking for a writer. I could do that. Or not.
BUT
Now is not the time to panic. Now is the time to just breathe and make it through the week, the month, etc. It's only about a month until Spring Break then the panic may conmmence.
In the meantime, I will sit in my "concentration camp" and drink my Diet Root Beer.
The Diet Soda Deities Have Spoken!
EDIT: I let my housemate dye the underside of my hair purple
Gah, it's a dismal day outside. Here's some rainy day tunes to go with my post.
I slept through my alarm this morning. This is odd for two reasons. 1. My alarm is set on my phone which sleeps with me in the bed all night next to my ear for the sole purpose of avoiding sleeping in, and 2. I've been having this terrible insomnia lately which means I'm usually up way before my alarm anyway.
So imagine my surprise when my second alarm goes off at 9:15am and I'm still in bed, feeling rested for the first time in...a week? Or has it been two weeks? Time has been weird so who knows. I think it's the rain. Rain always soothes me, and despite the fact that it was the most beautiful snow a few days ago (and spring the day before that), suddenly it was raining. People blame global warming, but I still think I'm a weather goddess. Before I realized that my mood was INCREDIBLY weather sensitive, I used to think that the weather was actually responding to my mood instead of influencing it. And now, even though I'm apparently an adult about 90 days from the adult world, I'm starting to go back to that line of thinking. Maybe the weather is so crazy erratic because my mood has been so crazy erratic. It was snowing these fat, happy contented flakes when I was feeling at peace, then the next day that gave way to sun and warm weather, just when I was feeling happy and optimistic. Now though, after another battle with insomnia, I'm beginning to feel doubtful, and a little bit afraid.
It's always the odds and ends of thought that keep me awake, things I can't change or don't understand or both. Death. My future. Things I've done wrong that haven't caught up to me yet. Things I've done wrong that I haven't even realized. Loneliness.
I've tried self-medicating a bit, but I don't like the way Z-quil makes me feel, and I'm totally unwilling to try anything harder. I've started doing yoga before bed and meditating, which helps some, but mostly I've been camping out on my couch. I do too much work and homework on my bed, which I know psychologically makes it harder for you to sleep in your own bed (because it becomes a place you associate with work and stress instead of rest), so I've started using a desk for the first time in years, pressed up against my bedroom window. But mostly I've been couching it up, watching movies on Netflix where everyone is more stressed than I am until the weight of everyone else's heavy burdens push me down to sleep. Some times this happens at 2:00am, sometimes it happens at 6:00am. After four or so hours of sleeping and dozing I wake up and start my day.
I've never considered myself an anxious person, but I know it's mostly anxiety that's keeping me up. Again, there's no way I'm taking meds for that (I don't even use shampoo anymore because I'm that wary of chemicals; thanks for the help in finding alternatives by the way Trish!). So I'm hoping talking about it with you guys, or at least sharing it with you, will help take some of the burden off.
Some of it is coming from too much work/homework and not enough time.
Some of it is coming from sadness over having to graduate and say good bye to my friends. And of course the uncertainty surrounding my future.
Some of it comes from (GOOD NEWS ALERT) the fact that I got the Alaska job as a horseback guide! Which I'm am thrilled about but also sooooooo incredibly nervous about. Is it childish of me to run off to Alaska and ride ponies for five months? How will this help me get a future career? What if I'm putting off finding a real job, and thus I never get one? How will this help me pay off my loans? Should I just stay in Chicago and work in the bookstore? What if what if what if?
Not a whole lot to say at the moment, to be honest. Classes are going alright, the end is in sight (I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THAT CEREMONY), and if they push back the BioShock: Infinite release date one more time I'm going to scream.
BUT ANYWAY.
I need music. But a certain kind! But not the kind I can just tap into a search engine and hope for the best for, because it's an idea rather than a genre, so I am asking you lovely folks for ideas.
What kind of music belongs in a playlist called "Urban Decay?"
GO.
DO ME PROUD.
Though I will still love you if you can't think of anything.
...Probably.
Note: music does not need to be The Birthday Massacre or even The Birthday Massacre-esque. Which is why trying to use Pandora can prove difficult, since they get a little *too* into the genre and I'm aiming for variety. Also interested in seein' what y'all can come up with :)
