"When I entered the asylum, they asked me to sign in. But I wasn't sure if I was supposed to sign in as one or all of my personalities."

And so ends my spring break. It was not as beautiful and perfect as last spring break. I would classify this one as odd, but maybe in a good way.

It started with drag queens driving a bus through the Australian outback. Yes, I saw Priscilla Queen of the Desert, but not the movie with Hugo Weaving and Guy Pierce (though I have been informed that I need to see that too). Oh no, I went to a classy fucking stage production in the Cultural District of Pittsburgh. It was incredibly classy, even from the nosebleeds I still enjoyed the show. The costumes were amazing and I loved watching a bunch of men in drag sing "It's Raining Men." It was truly a beautiful show.  We would watch the movie together, though I have no idea when that will be.

And then 6 guys from Yale sleeping in my living room Saturday night. Only one of those men I had actually met prior to this event. And I had met him like 3 times. Tom is his name, and he's The Boy's best friend from high school. Tom and his friends would've stayed at The Boy's place, but The Boy and his friends had already left for their driving adventure down to Florida for break. So Tom and his friends (who were all lovely) stayed at my place instead. You can follow their escapades on Tom's website (tomdec.com). I honestly don't know how well they slept crammed in my living room. I am sad that I did not get a picture of that. But they went to bed after I did and rose before I did.

After that, my spring break became a haze of coffee and paying for parking. My housemate Molly let me borrow her car for break, but I had to pay to park it. So rather than pay to park it, I got up at like 7AM before the meters starting running and would drive around finding adventure. And I would drag Ryan along. He and I decided to go to every local coffee place that we could find and rate the mochas. We created a rather intense system of rating each coffee and we intend on continuing to rate all of the mochas we can find.

We also went to the National Aviary to see some birds. Ryan and I really enjoyed seeing the Bald Eagles. It was so American that we each shed a single manly tear to gaze upon their majestic forms. We also saw a sloth (not a bird, I know). But I think the most terrifying part was that we helped feed some of the birds in the "Wetlands" section. And OH MY GOD THEY SWARMED! I got like hit in the head by a low flying bird. They were everywhere, staring at us with those dead eyes, waiting for the food to be found.

There was this one bird though, this freaking bastard that literally chased Ryan and I out of the exhibit earlier. It puffed up and cawed like ti was summoning demons from hell to eat our souls. It had googly eyes that did not google. They simply stared, waiting. Waiting for the opportune moment to be a dick. Like when I was distracted by birds flying at my head, this little shit lands on the seat next to me and starts biting my leg!

And I couldn't kick the damn thing away because the bird lady who was running the feeding thing was right in front of me. So I endured it. But man, I hate that bird so much!

Other memorable moments include watching the New Pope getting announced in a sports bar in the middle of the afternoon. There were like 10 people there, mostly employees, and 15 TVs all of them showing sports, except one. One TV had the Pope on it. So the three of us sat glued to that TV waiting for the Pope to arrive. Everyone else was watching sports. This is my life.

Another moment was in the Pittsburgh Science Center, there was a roller coaster simulator. A 80 year old guy was running it and since it was a Wednesday afternoon, no one was there. So Ryan and I get in it. And the guy is like "NOTHING IN YOUR POCKETS!!" so we complied and I now know why. That simulator threw us around like rag dolls. Sure, we were strapped in and harnessed, but even a coaster flipping upsidedown means that you are going somewhere. And because it was a simulator, the image we saw was just a projection of a real coaster ride. So when it flipped us, my hair freaking eclipsed half the screen.

I should also note that throughout the whole ride, I am cackling like a madwoman because I find it hilarious. Meanwhile, Ryan is freaking the crap out.

So the first ride ends and the guy opens the pod thing and says "Do you wanna ride a real coaster?"

The answer of course is "YES!"

And so he closes it back up and this time instead of a real roller coaster being projected. This is something out of Roller Coaster Tycoon, shitty graphics and physics defying loops and all.

Right before we go down the first hill, I look over to Ryan and go "Have you heard of the Euthanasia Roller Coaster?"

He still hates me for that.

And then in the pod, just as we plunge down, a weird mash up of "California Girls" by the Beach Boys and "Dani California" by the Red Hot Chill Peppers starts playing.  And I start to laugh.

Ryan is scarred for life now. I'm a little bit proud.

Onto the not so awesome things about break:

I spilled half of a cider onto my laptop.

But God for my cat-like reflexes because my first thought after "Oh shit!" was "FLIP IT!" So I flipped my computer over, dumping all of the liquid onto my bed. Yes, my bed. Onto the sheets I had just laundered. (I also slept on those sheets for two days before I got around to washing them again).

Thankfully, Katy and Ryan swooped in and saved the day with a mini screwdriver and a fan. So when I ressembled my computer and turned it on 24 hours later, it did in fact turn out and run fine (aside from some sticky keys). BUT then I noticed after about 20 minutes of use that half of Sebastian (laptop) was getting really hot, but the other side was cold. So I was like damn. And I took it to the Apple Store, where they convinced me that I had fried my logic board and it would cost minimum of $200 maximum  $800 to fix.
BUT HA TO THEM. I just screwed up my top case (which is the bit that has the keyboard). And it cost less than $250 (not by much, but still).

I actually just got my computer back today. I had to go like 3 days without it, which was much harder than I thought it would be. I wandered around my house, going "WTF did I do with my time before I had a computer?" Answer: Not much.

That answer is also correct for the question: "how much work did I do over break?"

So in the meantime, I am playing catch up so hard. Which really sucks, but I can't bring myself to completely regret my spring break. Sure there were bad parts with people I didn't want to deal with. But there were mochas and eagles and drag queens.


But yes, that was my spring break in a nutshell.

NOW  I DEMAND THAT YOU FILL ME IN ON YOUR LIVES!! TELL ME TELL ME!!

Also, this is a really really awesome song. He was the merch guy for the Murder by Death concert I saw. AND he also opened for the opener.

q