A Study in Library Graffiti

The third floor of Club Hunt (aka the library) is the quiet study floor, where silence is absolute and completely enforced. There are cubicles on this floor where I hide when I need to actually do work, or not be bothered by people, or both.

And I must say the graffiti on these cubicles makes me wish I understood Korean. At least I think it's Korean that is written on this particular cubicle.

Here are some of my favorite bits of graffiti on this desk:
(different typefaces indicate that a different person responded)


"Why are these cubicles shaped like swastikas?"
           "'Cause it's a concentration camp."


"What did Cinderella say when she got to the Ball?"
           - "She didn't she was busy studying"

An arrow is pointing to some used gum, "Take the fingerprints to find out who it was!"

"Can't spell STUDY without STD"
      "Or without STUD"
            "Or....duty?"


There is also an elaborate drawing of someone dead on top of a pile of work. Ahh CMU, you crazy bastard.

In regards to how I am doing, I feel like this anecdote accurately sums up my life:

There is a 50 cent soda machine on campus that I like to frequent. It has the normal selection of cans of soda, but is also has Mystery Diet Soda, which means you could get a can of Diet Cherry Coke one day and a can of Diet Sprite the next. You will get what the Diet Soda Gods think you deserve!
Anyway, I needed some caffeine like nobody's business, so I went there. And The Diet Soda Gods gave me Diet Root Beer.

No caffeine. Whatsoever.

But it's cool. It's totally fine. I am just gonna keep going.

Just keep going. That's the plan. And it's working out pretty okay. Provided that I only think 24 hours to a week in advance. Much beyond that and we have problems.

In the short term things are looking up. A paper that I devoted my entire weekend to got pushed back 48 hours. The one time I was actually good and did things ahead of time, I get an extension and the class canceled tomorrow. (I'm not gonna lie, I had to stop myself from screaming in the library when I got that email) My housemates and I are bonding this semester (don't get me wrong they are still messy and it's killing me) but we're doing stuff together. Like last night we went and did hooka (my first time :D) And I believe there are plans to go to Sig Ep's 90s Party dressed as the Spice Girls (there are five of us). I'd be Ginger Spice. (I recently acquired a red party/cocktail dress from Goodwill for $4). And I might have a house off campus to live in next year with my friends. I am excited.

And on Friday, Sarah is visiting me on her way through town. She and John are driving out to DC since Sarah is moving out there for work. That should be nice.

Provided I don't think about the larger implications of that statement. Like how I am gonna have to pack up all of my stuff and put it somewhere, storage probably until I get my own place, make my own home.

I have too much stuff to be a nomad.

Find a job. Be an Adult. At the very least get a damn internship for the summer. Where? Who knows. There's a design firm in NYC looking for a writer. I could do that. Or not.

BUT

Now is not the time to panic. Now is the time to just breathe and make it through the week, the month, etc. It's only about a month until Spring Break then the panic may conmmence.

In the meantime, I will sit in my "concentration camp" and drink my Diet Root Beer.

The Diet Soda Deities Have Spoken!

EDIT: I let my housemate dye the underside of my hair purple

Notes from a new insomniac

Gah, it's a dismal day outside. Here's some rainy day tunes to go with my post.

I slept through my alarm this morning. This is odd for two reasons. 1. My alarm is set on my phone which sleeps with me in the bed all night next to my ear for the sole purpose of avoiding sleeping in, and 2. I've been having this terrible insomnia lately which means I'm usually up way before my alarm anyway.

So imagine my surprise when my second alarm goes off at 9:15am and I'm still in bed, feeling rested for the first time in...a week? Or has it been two weeks? Time has been weird so who knows. I think it's the rain. Rain always soothes me, and despite the fact that it was the most beautiful snow a few days ago (and spring the day before that), suddenly it was raining. People blame global warming, but I still think I'm a weather goddess. Before I realized that my mood was INCREDIBLY weather sensitive, I used to think that the weather was actually responding to my mood instead of influencing it. And now, even though I'm apparently an adult about 90 days from the adult world, I'm starting to go back to that line of thinking. Maybe the weather is so crazy erratic because my mood has been so crazy erratic. It was snowing these fat, happy contented flakes when I was feeling at peace, then the next day that gave way to sun and warm weather, just when I was feeling happy and optimistic. Now though, after another battle with insomnia, I'm beginning to feel doubtful, and a little bit afraid.

It's always the odds and ends of thought that keep me awake, things I can't change or don't understand or both. Death. My future. Things I've done wrong that haven't caught up to me yet. Things I've done wrong that I haven't even realized. Loneliness.

I've tried self-medicating a bit, but I don't like the way Z-quil makes me feel, and I'm totally unwilling to try anything harder. I've started doing yoga before bed and meditating, which helps some, but mostly I've been camping out on my couch. I do too much work and homework on my bed, which I know psychologically makes it harder for you to sleep in your own bed (because it becomes a place you associate with work and stress instead of rest), so I've started using a desk for the first time in years, pressed up against my bedroom window. But mostly I've been couching it up, watching movies on Netflix where everyone is more stressed than I am until the weight of everyone else's heavy burdens push me down to sleep. Some times this happens at 2:00am, sometimes it happens at 6:00am. After four or so hours of sleeping and dozing I wake up and start my day.

I've never considered myself an anxious person, but I know it's mostly anxiety that's keeping me up. Again, there's no way I'm taking meds for that (I don't even use shampoo anymore because I'm that wary of chemicals; thanks for the help in finding alternatives by the way Trish!). So I'm hoping talking about it with you guys, or at least sharing it with you, will help take some of the burden off.

Some of it is coming from too much work/homework and not enough time.

Some of it is coming from sadness over having to graduate and say good bye to my friends. And of course the uncertainty surrounding my future.

Some of it comes from (GOOD NEWS ALERT) the fact that I got the Alaska job as a horseback guide! Which I'm am thrilled about but also sooooooo incredibly nervous about. Is it childish of me to run off to Alaska and ride ponies for five months? How will this help me get a future career? What if I'm putting off finding a real job, and thus I never get one? How will this help me pay off my loans? Should I just stay in Chicago and work in the bookstore? What if what if what if?

What if what if what if.

Less Content, More Music

Not a whole lot to say at the moment, to be honest. Classes are going alright, the end is in sight (I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THAT CEREMONY), and if they push back the BioShock: Infinite release date one more time I'm going to scream.

BUT ANYWAY.

I need music. But a certain kind! But not the kind I can just tap into a search engine and hope for the best for, because it's an idea rather than a genre, so I am asking you lovely folks for ideas. 

What kind of music belongs in a playlist called "Urban Decay?"

GO. 

DO ME PROUD.

Though I will still love you if you can't think of anything.

...Probably. 

Note: music does not need to be The Birthday Massacre or even The Birthday Massacre-esque. Which is why trying to use Pandora can prove difficult, since they get a little *too* into the genre and I'm aiming for variety. Also interested in seein' what y'all can come up with :)