Countdown

17: days until I come home
10: places I STILL haven't been and want to go
5: assignments for creative writing portfolio
2: essays to research and write
1: theatre journal to finish up

But we all know I Can't Math so it is possible these calculations are inaccurate and the countdown may be a failure - blinking lights, drumroll, anxiety, and Large Multimillion Dollar Light Up Countdown Board all a waste. I suppose we'll see.

I don't feel like I've done a whole lot here, but I've grown to love London anyway, and in quiet moments between paragraphs about the First World War and Trade Unions I stare out my flat window and find myself desperately wishing that I could stay. But then I think of pumpkin pie and my family and you lovely people and I can't wait to get on the plane. I miss you all more than I can say, darlings.

ALSO WHAT ARE MY EMOTIONS DOING. ESSAYS AND MINI-MENTAL BREAKDOWNS OVER THE FUUUUTURE AND UGH ESSAYS AND FUCKING ESSAYS AND FUCK EVERYTHING I am going ice skating. 

I almost posted this on the Other Blog, because OH MAN SARAH you are such an eloquent writer it is most definitely Not Fair. And how could I mar that gorgeous prose and those stories that give me hope and what can I say in response I've been trying to think of how to phrase the sensation in my ribs when I read it, but can't quite get it down and now here I am, puking up a hasty update but I figured I should let you all know I'm alive and can we all do a little honeymoon when we're all in the same state again, just for a night because hey! We're Just Married!

But, then, I've been listening to this song for days and days because why  not and no gif really encapsulated the weird headspace I'm CLEARLY occupying here (Overuse of Capitalization and Run On Sentences must lead to some horrible diagnosis oh god forgive me guys) SO YOU GET A SONG AND A HORRIBLE POST.  NOW I HAVE TO GO I AM HONESTLY GOING TO GO ICE SKATING ILU ALL.

I feel like we're all playing a game of hide and seek except we forgot to pick a seeker.

Hi! Remember me! Hi! I am such a terrible person! I always read and never post because, don'tchaknow, I'm so so so busy.

So here I am, a few hours before second thanksgiving when I will be able to spontaneously embrace all of you after....months? years? and despite that it always feels like I saw all of you yesterday. Who does that? Who has that?

So I have to be honest, I haven't kept up with the last...two months of post? So I went back and read them and was just crying, because it made me miss all of you. I just, I think, get so wrapped up in my life, and being the Editor-in-Chief of a newspaper and a responsible person who suddenly writes a senior thesis and reaaaaalllyyyy lonnnngggggg papersssss about poetry, and has every hour of her day scheduled down to the minute because otherwise I will drown instead of doing the slowly sinking thing I'm managing now that I just FORGET that there is something else out there.

Looming. 

What I meant by my title is this (answered in a circular way that will probably find its way back to some holistic theme):

My super smart brother, who spent literally his WHOLE life saying he was going to be a theoretical physicist, is now applying to get his masters in education and will probably teach high school physics in Boston. How perfect is that for him? it is!

His friend Andrew, who wanted to go to seminary and be a pastor until suddenly he didn't is getting married even though he cleans malls right now or something like that. Doesn't have a clue what's next.

My friend from school was dreading spending thanksgiving with her family because her cousin is in nursing school and she's only an English major and well, we all know who's going to have a nice job don't we heh? *insert snide comments, pointed questions and knowing looks*

My mom said to me yesterday, out of the blue, "You know, I was thinking the other day, when you girls move back in after school, that small bathroom will be yours and you can keep all your stuff in there. Isn't that perfect?" And I was literally stunned because me moving back in with my parents after school suddenly just became a thing that was happening. (and because that was a perfect idea even though there isn't much counter space in there...)

The best laid plans...My brother stopped coming back home after his freshman year. He just always seemed to have ideas. I feel like I have tons of ideas but no will to act on them. All this real world stuff just makes me so lethargic. Grad school is a huge no. I'm done with school for a while, and I'm broke to boot. Plus, I literally just skipped two days of school to come back early and was like, FORGET SCHOOL MAAAAN. so clearly further higher education is not for me right now. Do I get an apartment in Chicago and work in the book store (which is a very very very real thing). What if that becomes a thing? What if I really like it? What if I just pick up and move to Taiwan where I learn Chinese (mandarin) and teach English? That's also a really really real thing. But what if these really hard months between seeing you guys become really hard years? I'd be lying if I said I didn't still hold the bookstore we all need to open as the ultimate goal in my life, but I feel like that's a lot of pressure to put on people.

I guess the thing is, no one really knows what the next step is, because no one has planned it for us. That is so so terrifying isn't it? Its all on us, you, me now and I'm floundering. But I'm also pretty stoked for it, ya know? And, well, we have each other and I don't think I need much else right now. Except maybe someone to write these papers for me.

So, if that doesn't make up for months of not posting, I don't know what will (besides more consistent posting of course).

A quick catch up for my life atm: My favorite bar in town burned down and I am DEVASTATED. I'm writing/illustrating/designing a children's book for my book design class and it's going to be printed like a real book. In hard cover! I also have finally hit my academic stride and am earning all A's this semester...though I have some pretty big research papers coming up. I'm still figuring out what my next step is, and I'm so so scared. I have bubblegum pink pants that I'm wearing tonight and I love them, even though I never thought I would ever wear pink. Like, ever. I'm also working a lot at the bookstore this winter break, so please come visit me and prove to my co-workers that I have friends. You can all buy some wine and books while you're there.

I have also been listening to Blind Pilot a lot, even though it makes me sad sometimes. I like to think this is one of those songs they play in the last few minutes of a movie where the heroine has gone through some life changing moments, and even though the future is so uncertain, she's a better person for the experience and moving forward. You know, she just walked out of some building and is looking into the distance (the universal movie sign for thinking ahead to the future) with a small, hopeful, slightly embittered smile on her face--I am not projecting at all.

Music, Mostly

My life atm: projects, nano, and hopefully seeing most of your lovely faces in the very, very near future.


I like this song more and more each time I hear it:

On What You Really Want

 Man I am so glad for this semester to be over.  Or at least for November to be over.  I am not excited at all for my last semester at college because that means I have to face the real world?!  What???  My friend who graduated last year with only one major (Entrepreneurship) is currently making a living by being a custodial engineer and selling bodily fluids (plasma).  I am not excited for finding a job.

I mean what do I even want to do?

What do you even want to do?

In other news, one of my projects entails launching a professional KickStarter page.  That means making a demo video of the product we're raising money for.  And since I can't understand all of these Royalty Free/Creative Commons rules, I figured I'd write my own song.   We'll see how that one goes, but I am a little excited.  I just can't seem to get the right sounds on my came-with-the-computer music creating program though... prepare for disaster!

Also, it looks like Walk Off the Earth released the first single from their EP:

High Quality this shit!

Well, that went fast

So I registered for my final semester as an undergrad this morning!

It's so insane. I swear high school took way more time to finish. What is this madness.

Next semester should (hopefully!) be fun, though. More fun than this current semester at any rate. A lot of my classes I picked because they sounded interesting, not necessarily because I have to take them. I'm stuck the extra semester thanks to Spanish anyway, so might as well, right? Right!

So next semester's adventure includes:

• a foray into film and literature
• Studies of the novel (in its natural habitat, I assume)
• Theories of Gender in Lit Analysis (which has the very unfortunate shortened name of "Theories of Gender in Lit Anal")
• MY FINAL SEMESTER OF SPANISH OH MY GOODNESS
• And an 8 week course in which I learn how to make books. Not write them. MAKE THEM. 

All of which is very exciting! Yaay!

Have a song:

This cookie done got crumbled

C-c-c-crossposted from Tumblr. Because I need all the eyes on this shit.

SO, as it turns out, I am not making as much money as I need to be in order to… well. Sustain myself. I thought this job was going to be amazing like rainbows flying out of a unicorns ass, but as it turns out, unicorn poop is a lot like regular poop and is not all that it is cracked up to be. I WAS working around 50 hours a week before, and this was well and dandy. I was making good money even though I was not doing very much massage because of the sheer number of hours. NOW I am working around 20 hours a week and still not doing massage and I am making less than I was when I was at Warnimont's and as you can imagine THIS IS HELLA STRESSFUL. I've been dropped to working 3 days a week, from 8-7, but with a huge lunch break in between so while I'm tied up for the whole day, I'm not actually getting paid for all of it. FINANCIAL WOES, OH~

So, I am tearing my hair and wondering what the fuck to do because I have done oodles of online advertising and shit and have literally had 12 clients since July (one of them has been here multiple times but three of them were given free vouchers by my boss so I didn't get paid for them). RIGHT NOW I'm in the process of handing out fliers at the local business districts and hanging them up in like... the library and Starbucks, and leaving them around at the local deli and stuffing them in toilet paper dispensers so they drop out suddenly in public restrooms (okay, not that last one) but if it doesn't work and people still aren't coming... I will be looking for a new job. UNTIL THEN:

The point of the story is that I am a fully licensed, self-insured massage therapist with both a table and chair that is willing to travel. I know Swedish and deep tissue massage and can assist with conditions like PLANTAR FASCIITIS and CHRONIC MIGRAINES and CARPAL TUNNEL and OH MY GOD MY MIDTERMS ARE HELLA STRESSFUL.

If you guys are interested, or know anyone that might be, please let me know. I'm going to be running some mad sweet specials because at this point, getting underpayed for massage is better than my dog getting rabies and killing my family before getting put down by the National Guard because I couldn't afford to take her to the vet. >:C If I can think of a way to set up at a college campus and do chair massage for a dollar a minute without getting bodyslammed by campus security, I’d gladly do it.

I am generally free Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Hit me up.