I see God in birds and Satan in long words

I did not get any homework done this weekend. That is because this has been one of the roughest weekend I have had in quite some time, which is a blessing. But when it is time to pay my dues, I pay my dues.

On Saturday, I got up at 6AM to get in a car and drive to Rittman, OH (2.5 hours away by car) to go skydiving, finally. After over a year of trying to go skydiving, I finally went. It was amazing and I would do it again in a heartbeat. That was the highlight of my weekend. Things went downhill quickly from there.

That evening, I attended a free concert on campus (Tokyo Police Club) and there, I completely snapped and bitched the hell out of Ivy.

For the past few months, Ivy has been unbearable. She's been hypocritical, passive-aggressive, violent, and just plain mean and psychotic. I should note that she has had a difficult childhood, but that is no excuse for her actions. One specific incident is last week or so, she was taunting Fielding about getting into her iPhone. Fielding noted that as she entered her passcode, the screen was reflected in her glasses. So he got into her phone, went on her facebook, and changed her status to "I have reflective glasses." Katy commented on the status "Lol." When Ivy found out she proceeded to punch Katy in the arm and tried to rip out a handful of Fielding's hair. This is one of many unacceptable things she has done.

So when after an incident at the concert, she started beating Fielding with an empty bottle of Dr. Pepper, I snapped and completely bitched her out in public. Which the in public thing wasn't cool, and I did apologize for that later. But honest to God, she bitches at us for being immature and socially incompetent and then doesn't acknowledge her actions. It drives us crazy.

So I bitched her out and she left. The rest of us stayed and enjoyed ourselves. Only to find when we left the concert that Ivy was waiting, moping for us on the steps outside. But she refused to talk to us. It's like she wanted us to see her there being miserable. (Ryan told us that he had seen her and invited her to make nachos, but she choose to mope). Later, I am told, when she returned to her dorm, she tried to play the victim. Like I attacked her for no reason.

After the concert, Rachel and I attended a party, which was interesting, but nothing special.

I returned to my apartment to find my roommate curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing.
This is not the first time this has happened. I am hoping it will be the last, the road to recovery is not easy. My roommate's mother died when she was 8, leaving her with an emotionally abusive and controlling father. She and her sister were then raised by her grandparents, who are also crazy. Needless to say, she is emotionally damaged. She has been getting help, but in the past few weeks since her panic attacks, things have gotten so much worse.

And I am doing the best I can.

But I got her to bed and then the next day dawned and I had to go talk with Ivy.

Basically what happened there is I did my best to tell her what the issues were without being a dick. But I really don't think she sees the problem. Her behavior has not changed at all. If she keeps this up, she won't have any friends.

This leads to me helping my roommate come to terms with going home for Thanksgiving or not. Ultimately, she decided that is was not a good idea. Her family makes her worse and that is not what she needs right now. She is coming with me to DC. BUT she had to tell her family.

That did not end well.

Basically, I took the phone away from her to talk to her Aunt while Charlie comforted her since she had become a sobbing mess on the floor again.

I convinced her Aunt that she did not need to come up and take my roommate to a hospital. That would make things so much worse and my roommate has already tried to go to a hospital (they won't admit you unless you are hurting yourself or others physically). I told her that I had this issue handled. I will keep an eye on her. I've got this.

I came back to my roommate to distract her by talking about Kevin Bacon for 20 minutes. This calmed her down, but then she had to call her sister, who was incredibly understanding. But I think this conversation killed my roommate.

And the process of calming down was repeated again until 2AM. We colored and ate Oreos.
I think she is doing better now and I am glad.

But this is far from over. It always is.

I'm just living day to day and hoping I am doing enough. Because some days it does not feel like I am.


I am sorry for the wall of text. I just needed to vent.